Is it normal to consider reversing your decision in the face of your partner’s distress or refusal? Absolutely. Research on attachment theory suggests that people with anxious attachment styles may struggle more with separation and may plead, bargain, or make promises to change. Therefore, when the person initiating the conversation sees their partner experiencing strong emotions, doubt, guilt, and fear of hurting them can easily creep in, making them question their decision. However, while reconsidering is natural, it should not be based solely on their partner’s reaction. This is a deeply personal decision, which is why one should take sufficient time and put in the effort beforehand to reach this conclusion before initiating the conversation. Working with a psychologist specialising in relationships can help navigate these emotions objectively before taking action. There is no perfect way to decouple and if the decision to separate is not mutual, your partner’s response may range from total shock to quiet acceptance. The best approach is to be prepared. Working through some of the practical, legal and financial elements beforehand can make it easier to stand by your decision. What tips can people use to manage their own emotional wellbeing during this initial period of separation? • Lean on your professional support. As lawyers we are used to managing the process for clients. Sometimes it is best for the discussions to be conducted through lawyers so that you are relieved of the pressure. We always seek to find a collaborative way through and re-establish a positive dialogue between separating couples at the earliest possible opportunity, especially if there are children involved. • Consider limiting your contact with family and friends who make unhelpful comments and are biased in favour of your partner. It is reasonable to focus on your own emotional needs. The early stages of separation can be emotionally challenging, which is why self-care and structured support should not be neglected. The following may help: • It is important to maintain certain routines, as a sense of normalcy can help them stabilise their turbulent emotions. One thing that people often ignore is allowing themselves to grieve. There is a loss associated with every relationship that is outgrown, and this is painful for both parties—something that should be acknowledged and given time to process and accept. • At the same time, one must set communication boundaries with their partner. For example, they should keep interactions respectful but limited or establish specific times of the day or week when they have the emotional resources to handle these conversations. • It is also essential to seek social support that feels right for them, such as talking to friends or family members they feel comfortable. • They should avoid rushing into another relationship, as allowing time to heal and process is crucial at this stage. This situation presents a valuable opportunity for recentring and focusing on personal growth, which would be a shame to miss. • One can reconnect with forgotten hobbies and interests and set new goals outside the relationship. • Working with a therapist during this phase can be invaluable, as they provide guidance and support in navigating these challenges. Breaking up is not easy, but ending a relationship with care and clarity allows both individuals to move forward with greater emotional resilience and a stronger sense of self.
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Hodge Jones & Allen Solicitors | Separation Support
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