There is often emotional ambivalence in people and you may alternate between feelings of relief, sadness, guilt, and frustration. Common behaviours include: • emotional withdrawal • avoiding intimacy • increased irritability • frequent arguments; or seeking emotional validation outside the relationship. Some may unconsciously or even consciously create even more distance by prioritising work, friendships, or personal interests over time spent with their partner, causing the couple to grow even further apart. These are all common emotions and behaviours we hear expressed by separating couples. Individuals often feel confused because their partner may display both positive and negative behaviours towards them and they struggle to understand the message. Their partner may give them a fantastic birthday present, whilst choosing to socialise separately. We encourage clients to seek therapeutic support to help them see their partner’s behaviour and their response to it more clearly. This also provides a safe and confidential space as opposed to friends and family who can cloud the picture with their views. What emotions and behaviours are we likely to display when we no longer want to be in a relationship?
How do we know these emotions are long lasting and should be acted upon?
It is very common for individuals to seek legal advice whilst they are still considering whether to separate. We also see people who suspect their partner may want to separate. The advantage of early legal advice is that you understand the potential legal issues and can act with knowledge. If you feel reassured about your legal rights, it can provide the headspace to focus on the emotional elements. A study in 2002 1 found that long-term unhappiness, rather than temporary dissatisfaction, is a strong predictor of divorce. There will be times when everyone feels dissatisfied in a relationship, but this may be due to external stressors such as work, family issues, or health problems, making the feeling situational rather than deep-seated. This is why it is important to reflect deeply before making any decisions or taking action. During this time, seeking help—such as working with a couple’s therapist—can provide new insights into oneself and the relationship. One can also cultivate new perspectives, such as acceptance and gratitude, while learning better communication skills and how to regroup and repair after conflict. This process takes time and effort but approaching it with openness and commitment can lead to valuable personal growth lessons. However, if after genuinely and humbly trying, one continues to feel disconnected, unhappy, or trapped, it may indicate a more fundamental incompatibility and taking action may be necessary.
Is it sensible to take a pause before deciding to act?
Absolutely. Before taking any action, reflection and clarity are essential. To determine whether the relationship can be saved, it may be helpful for each partner to take a break or time apart to create emotional distance and assess whether they feel regret or relief. Seeking therapy, as mentioned earlier, can also provide valuable insights—helping partners explore whether there are lessons to be learned that could strengthen the relationship or whether it is truly unsalvageable. However, it is equally important not to remain in limbo for too long, as prolonged uncertainty can cause emotional distress for both partners. Setting a reasonable deadline (e.g., a few months) can help facilitate a clear and thoughtful decision.
We always support a client if they want to attempt reconciliation or reflect. However, individuals need to be aware that being in limbo can be challenging from a legal perspective. There may be a lack of clarity around when you have separated and this can lead to disputes over which assets are marital as opposed
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Hodge Jones & Allen Solicitors | Separation Support
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