Emotional stress during separation doesn’t just affect someone’s mental wellbeing – it can manifest in very real physical symptoms, such as disturbances, digestive issues, muscle tension, exhaustion, and more. Although we aren’t therapists, as lawyers we do recognise that emotional health can affect decision-making, communication, and resilience during negotiations or court proceedings. A client who is mentally and physically depleted may: • Struggle to focus during meetings Either way, the symptoms one experiences are real and can range from intrusive thoughts to emotional numbness or heightened anxiety and the essence of trauma is that you lose the connection to yourself. Children are generally more vulnerable and may present with developmental regressions, sleep disturbances and psychosomatic complaints like headaches or tummy pain. And even if you haven’t read the book – its title says it all. After all, we are not machines or robots who simply shrug off painful experiences or negative emotions, the body remembers it all. And over time these can manifest as aches, pains, anxiety, anger, digestive or eating disorders, sleep issues, burnout etc. Trauma is a big word and we all define it in different ways – for some individuals and in some situations divorce can be traumatic, for others it’s ‘just life’. Understanding not ‘just’ the psychological, but also the physiological impact of the situation can be helpful in staying calm and composed while gaining resilience. After all, when reacting in a calm way, we don’t simply react in an uncontrolled way, we respond in a considerate and composed manner. Maybe you have tried talking therapies before and felt it wasn’t enough for you or you simply don’t want to talk or analyse the past, if that’s the case it can be really helpful to bring the body into the equation. You might have heard of Bessel van der Kolk’s best-selling book The Body Keeps the Score, where he explains how trauma affects both the brain and the body.
• Make decisions based on emotion rather than long-term interest
• Avoid important legal steps due to overwhelm
That’s why many family solicitors work closely with therapists, counsellors, mediators, and financial coaches to ensure clients receive holistic support – not just legal advice.
How can we address these physiological manifestations of divorce-related stress? As it’s clear that stress and trauma affect both mind and body, somatic modalities offer a holistic approach to healing that can complement or offer a valid alternative to traditional talking therapies. Bessel van der Kolk refers to practices such as choral singing, yoga, martial arts or mindfulness as they can help individuals release stored tension and restore a sense of safety within the body. For children it can be helpful to try play/art therapy or movement-based activities that give them outlets to express their feelings. If you’d like to try the most innate way of stress and tension release and are looking for an opportunity to bond with your children, my recommendation would be TRE (Tension and Trauma Releasing Exercises). TRE is a somatic modality that encourages the body to release the tension held in the body, in particular the muscles.
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Hodge Jones & Allen Solicitors | Separation Support
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