Our Separation Support guides are here to help you through every step, with expert advice from our family lawyers and emotional support from clinical psychologists and mental health professionals at My Triage Network. These resources address the legal, emotional, and practical challenges you might face.
SEPARATION SUPPORT
Fighting for your rights.
FAMILY LAW PARTNER SARAH NORMAN-SCOTT
HEALTH & WELL-BEING PRACTITIONER SYLVIA TILLMANN
HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THE PHYSICAL TRAUMA OF SEPARATING FROM SOMEONE? The questions your family lawyer and health & well-being practitioner would ask.
Navigating the ‘new normal’: the situation of separation and divorce can be challenging. The idea that the body keeps the score. How do you find the resilience, strength and resolve to carry on and have the head space to deal with life changing decisions? This guide sets out the steps you can take to navigate this transition feeling in control and with hope for the future. Our top tip is to seek advice early on and to build a good support network. Family lawyer, Sarah Norman-Scott is a lawyer and Partner in the family team at Hodge Jones & Allen Solicitors and Sylvia Tillmann is a holistic practitioner and TRE (Tension and Trauma Releasing Exercises) provider affiliated with My Triage Network. Both work with separating clients/couples.
What should be the first step to take when going through a separation?
Going through separation and finally divorce can be profoundly challenging for the whole family, in particular for the partner left behind and the children who might blame themselves, feel they are caught somewhere in between and wonder if they need to pick a side. Working with a knowledgeable and supportive legal team is crucial to address the legal and financial aspects of divorce – but this is only one aspect. What’s at least equally important, if not more so, is to prioritise your own and your child’s/children’s health and well-being. Seek advice early in the process to alleviate any anxiety and set you in good stead. We recommend seeking advice in the following ways: Support – you may find the pressure of the divorce process too stressful, emotional or painful. A divorce coach can provide emotional support and empowerment, practical advice on the divorce process including
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help with some of the forms (although they do not provide legal advice) and can be by your side from start to finish. Some people benefit from guidance early on when the separation is very raw but others wait until they have started the divorce, obtained legal advice and then seek help from a coach alongside a divorce lawyer. Legal – once you feel ready to take the next step you can contact a solicitor (or lawyer, whichever term you want to use – we don’t mind which). A solicitor will guide you through the divorce or they can simply give you advice at the outset so that you can try to do it yourself (and provide help as and when you need it). Early advice is essential even if your separation is amicable to understand your rights, responsibilities and the various options. You will be advised about the different routes you can take such as mediation, arbitration, lawyer negotiations or the DIY route and can put you in touch with recommended mediators. Divorce may have an impact on your immigration status and so you should speak with an immigration lawyer before issuing a divorce application to assess whether it will affect your visa. You can speak to your lawyer about the practical next steps to take in terms of living arrangements, contact arrangements for any children and interim financial assistance. Financial – it would be beneficial to speak with a financial advisor or accountant, especially if you have a business or complicated assets. Your accountant may be able to help with valuations and tax calculations and a financial advisor can help with mortgage capacities, budgets and to assess your finances post-divorce.
How can I protect myself emotionally? Prioritise your emotional well-being:
Seek support from friends and family – you may need to lean on them during this time for emotional support but be wary about taking legal advice from friends and family. Speak with a therapist or counsellor – in addition to, or as an alternative to friends and family you may benefit from professional support to help you manage the emotional side of a separation. If you have children they may also benefit from a child psychologist or counsellor during the transition. Join a support group – your therapist or counsellor may have connections in your local area or you may find one on social media. Separation can bring up feelings of grief, loss, rejection, abandonment, anxiety about the future and so much more. These emotions are not ‘just’ in the mind, they are in the body, too and can manifest as physical symptoms like fatigue, sleep disturbances and changes in appetite etc. Children can also experience a range of emotions from confusion and guilt to anger and sadness, which can lead to changes in behaviour or withdrawal. In short, the pain of separation is not ‘just’ emotional heartbreak or legal procedures, it’s also a physiological experience. And this is where the mind-body connection comes in. What is the link between emotional stress and physical symptoms experienced during a separation / Have you ever heard the phrase ‘The body keeps the score’ and wondered what it really means? You might have experienced it yourself: When you feel the heaviness of a situation on your shoulders, you struggle with shoulder or back pain. Or you experience digestive issues before an important event that makes you uncomfortable or anxious, such as court proceedings.
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Emotional stress during separation doesn’t just affect someone’s mental wellbeing – it can manifest in very real physical symptoms, such as disturbances, digestive issues, muscle tension, exhaustion, and more. Although we aren’t therapists, as lawyers we do recognise that emotional health can affect decision-making, communication, and resilience during negotiations or court proceedings. A client who is mentally and physically depleted may: • Struggle to focus during meetings Either way, the symptoms one experiences are real and can range from intrusive thoughts to emotional numbness or heightened anxiety and the essence of trauma is that you lose the connection to yourself. Children are generally more vulnerable and may present with developmental regressions, sleep disturbances and psychosomatic complaints like headaches or tummy pain. And even if you haven’t read the book – its title says it all. After all, we are not machines or robots who simply shrug off painful experiences or negative emotions, the body remembers it all. And over time these can manifest as aches, pains, anxiety, anger, digestive or eating disorders, sleep issues, burnout etc. Trauma is a big word and we all define it in different ways – for some individuals and in some situations divorce can be traumatic, for others it’s ‘just life’. Understanding not ‘just’ the psychological, but also the physiological impact of the situation can be helpful in staying calm and composed while gaining resilience. After all, when reacting in a calm way, we don’t simply react in an uncontrolled way, we respond in a considerate and composed manner. Maybe you have tried talking therapies before and felt it wasn’t enough for you or you simply don’t want to talk or analyse the past, if that’s the case it can be really helpful to bring the body into the equation. You might have heard of Bessel van der Kolk’s best-selling book The Body Keeps the Score, where he explains how trauma affects both the brain and the body.
• Make decisions based on emotion rather than long-term interest
• Avoid important legal steps due to overwhelm
That’s why many family solicitors work closely with therapists, counsellors, mediators, and financial coaches to ensure clients receive holistic support – not just legal advice.
How can we address these physiological manifestations of divorce-related stress? As it’s clear that stress and trauma affect both mind and body, somatic modalities offer a holistic approach to healing that can complement or offer a valid alternative to traditional talking therapies. Bessel van der Kolk refers to practices such as choral singing, yoga, martial arts or mindfulness as they can help individuals release stored tension and restore a sense of safety within the body. For children it can be helpful to try play/art therapy or movement-based activities that give them outlets to express their feelings. If you’d like to try the most innate way of stress and tension release and are looking for an opportunity to bond with your children, my recommendation would be TRE (Tension and Trauma Releasing Exercises). TRE is a somatic modality that encourages the body to release the tension held in the body, in particular the muscles.
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And when we relax the muscles, we calm the nervous system. As illustrated before, a well-regulated nervous system helps us to make better decisions, to respond in a more level-headed way, to have better relationships – with your body, yourself and others, i.e. in particular with your child/children, and this will also support their well-being. What’s more, if working on saving your marriage is still an option or you are keen to establish a good relationship with your former partner, TRE – developed by David Berceli, PhD – could be a possibility you might want to consider as it is often employed as a mediation tool to foster healing and reconciliation. Once you’ve learned TRE safely, it’s your tool for life and you can practise with your child/children, which is a great opportunity to co-regulate and to bond. These loving and nurturing connections on top of honest and age-appropriate conversations with your child/ children where you reassure them of your love and support can strengthen your relationship with them. By acknowledging the physical effects of emotional stress, we can help clients make more grounded decisions and navigate the process with as much clarity – and dignity – as possible. As lawyers, we recommend the following: • Get organised early – start gathering paperwork you may need in respect of your financial assets. Being prepared can reduce anxiety and keep legal costs down. • Seek therapeutic or emotional support early alongside legal advice – such as therapists, divorce coaches and support groups. • Use mediation or collaborative processes to minimise conflict – or other forms of NCDR (non- court dispute resolution) such as arbitration • Recognising the importance of self-care during what can be an emotionally demanding period – limit contact with your former partner if conversations are stressful, maintain your normal routine where possible and avoid major decisions. • Focus on what you can control – you can’t control someone else’s behaviour, but you can control your own response, your own wellbeing and how you communicate. • Be prepared – attend the court in advance of any hearing so you can familiarise yourself and feel confident on the day.
Final Thoughts
Separation is not just a legal process – it’s a life transition. By taking proactive steps and surrounding yourself with the right support, you can reduce stress and move forward with more clarity, dignity, and strength.
Healing the pain and heartbreak of separation and divorce is a gradual process and can take time, often longer than expected. However when implementing supportive strategies – for mind, body and your legal affairs – you and your child/children can navigate this transition with resilience and hope for the future. After all – there’s light at the end of the tunnel as healing is most certainly possible and ultimately post- traumatic growth can occur.
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CONTACT DETAILS FOR LEGAL ADVICE
Sarah Norman-Scott | Partner | Family Law We have experienced mediators and Family Law Solicitors at Hodge Jones & Allen Solicitors who are on hand to advise and assist you through this stressful process.
Please contact Sarah Norman-Scott on 0330 822 6363 or request a callback.
TOP TIER FIRM
UNITED KINGDOM 2026
snormanscott@hja.net
@hjafamilylaw.bsky.social
/hodge-jones-&-allen-solicitors
www.hja.net
/HJAFamilyLaw
/HJA_Family
CONTACT DETAILS FOR PSYCHOLOGICAL SUPPORT
Sylvia Tillmann | Health and Well-being Practitioner | Affiliated with My Triage Network
Please feel free to contact me on hi@mytriagenetwork.com
© 2025 Hodge Jones & Allen LLP is a limited liability partnership registered in England & Wales. Company registration number OC437420. Authorised and regulated by the Solicitors Regulation Authority (821023). Registered office: 180 North Gower Street London NW1 2NB. HJA[016]-[A]-2025
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